


Percentage values

by amuk



Category: Vampire Knight
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Past Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 19:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She didn't lie to Kaname when she told him she didn't regret it. It's easy to say things, though, when there is nothing to force her to see the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Percentage values

It's so small, so tiny in the scheme of things that she shouldn't really notice it. Not when there has been so many larger things--her school's attacks, her revealed past, _leaving Zero_.

 

Maybe that's why she noticed it. She hasn't been away from Zero for longer than a day in years, hasn't spent weeks without hearing his mocking voice and grumbling in protest.  Instead, she has spent a year--time that they had never had before--with Kaname.  A year in bliss.

 

A year in heartache.  She didn't lie to him when she said she was happy, that she didn't regret going away with him. She loves Kaname, loves him with nearly every piece of her heart and soul. Her blood screams for him, her pulse rings his name, and it's all she can do to keep herself calm when she hears his footsteps.

 

He owns nearly all of her.

 

Nearly is not completely and it will never be.  Zero still owns her, in ways that Kaname never could.  He knows her favourite foods and the movies she hates to love.  There were secret handshakes in the middle of the night and warm hugs and--

 

Some of these things will never happen again. No matter how hard Kaname tries, he can never replace those times, never replace Zero. She doesn't blame him for it, it's part of who he is, but she misses those (extra)ordinary actions. The comforting words, the harsh reproaches, the confidence that she could do anything because Zero was always there to keep an eye on her. He only stepped in when she couldn't handle it.  

 

(Sometimes, just sometimes, she feels like Kaname is overbearing, suffocating her with his love. Then he'll smile and the thought disappears.)

 

So, really, it isn't all that odd that she notices it so much. This is the first time she has seen Zero (seen that silver hair, those purple eyes, that strong stride) in a year. It feels like longer.

 

It feels like forever.

 

He seems the same but she doesn't know. Her father (foster, she reminds herself, foster) told her about the bottles that sit cluttered on his desk, the new apartment he lives in, the days he seems barely in control.

 

She can't help but wonder if she is partially to blame.

 

(The cool bathroom tiles, the sharp fangs, the remorseful eyes, she remembers them all too clearly. Especially when she is faced with the exact opposite in Kaname.)

 

Now she leans against the door,  trying to calm her breathing.  Her fingers still tingle, even though all he managed to touch was the glove. All she managed to touch with--he was so angry.

 

Does he still want to kill her? she wonders. Good.   He'll still live.

 

That sounds more like an excuse than anything, a mask to hide the pain, but she sticks to it.  She leans closer to the glove, wondering if she'll catch his scent in it. She might not even recognize it--she has never smelled him before.  He was always there and now it's too late.

 

It still feels warm, still feels crooked. Like a broken heart. Like her broken heart. There is something wrong with this picture, she thinks, as she brings her hands to her chest.  It shouldn't hurt this much.

 

Maybe she did lie to Kaname, after all. Maybe Zero owns more of her than she expected.


End file.
